the biggest skeptic ever, was i

I know what you’re thinking…Om. She is going to write about meditation. Yeah, you’re right, i am. I am one of those people who suffer from chronic pain, which is bloody exhausting. Meaning i hurt, so i have to rest. My body screams for it. I am tired all the time…side effects are bitchiness, extra bitchiness & extreme bitchiness & I hate you (and me). Is there a cure? No. no there isn’t.

I tried everything under the sun. Herbs, diets. I read about meditation. eye roll. I downloaded a free app & found one for ‘healing sleep’, but my mind kept floating away from the guided meditation man. I gave up. Then, i read that it takes up to two weeks for meditation to work. I thought what do i have to lose, really? This is a free app that i highly recommend, ‘Insight Timer’. For beginners (skeptics) go for the ‘guided’. I found this sexy sounding man with a Scottish accent telling me to breath. Sir, i’d do anything you want if you keep whispering in my ear. One of the first things he said was, “if you find your mind floating, bring it back to the sound of my voice”…i discovered i am the biggest airhead i never knew. I thought this must be what it feels like to have ADD. I have much more sympathy for those who suffer from that diagnosis.

Then one night sexy man was saying the same thing he always did, and it started working. He says, “Relax the muscles in your jaw” I need the ‘Jaws of life’ to do that. This night was different from any other night (no, it wasn’t Passover) when i relaxed my jaw, i started to feel the tingling he said i might have for the last 14 nights in a row. He says, “relax the muscles in your neck & shoulders” I did & guess what? I felt the tingling, my shoulders fell deeper into the bed. Over time i used some for meditation for pain, “visualize the pain, then watch it leave your body” It felt like i’d taken super-duper strong drugs. I usually slept from 9:30-5:00, which isn’t that bad, but the first night it worked, i slept from 9:30-11:30! I’m glad i did this one over the weekend.

But like all things in my life, i got bored & stopped doing it. Why do i always do that? Am i the only one?

Lately, i have had a hard time with exhaustion. During the day, my legs weigh a thousand pounds. Laundry was impossible, even eating was too hard. (Lucky me) I had neck surgery in January & my pain, on a scale of 1-10 has been a 2 or so. WHICH IS AMAZING! But because of a very new broken heart, i’ve been down (I’ve decided i don’t want a relationship with a man, ever again.) I kept waking up at 4:30 in the morning.

So…last night i found a new meditation man, not as sexy, but he sounds nice. The title of this one is, ‘Deep Sleep Meditation with Affirmations: Unstoppable Courage, Confidence & Inner Power‘ by Kenneth Soares. Again, the app is free. The app asks for the kind you want ‘Guided’ then it asks for the amount of time you have (eternity) I hit 30+ and found him. I was a bit out of practice, but my body started tingling. He was telling me that I am strong, that I am going to have energy tomorrow, that I will be unstoppable. I admit to eye-rolls. BUT, guess what?!

GOOD MORNING!!! I woke up feeling like i’d already had three cups of coffee. I’ve been cleaning like a mad woman this morning. And watercoloring in between. My mood is better, no negative thoughts…the meditation is one hour & forty four minutes. I was awake for maybe 30 minutes. I have no idea what he said after that, but apparently my ‘unconscious mind’ he speaks of, swallowed his words…hook, line & sinker.

I do still suffer from chronic pain, but nothing close to what i used to. I’ve been bone tired for about two weeks. Not today.

If you or anyone you know, who suffers from pain, fatigue, low self esteem, bitchiness, sleeping issues, depression, self loathing, broken heart, i hate my life, anxiety, i can’t open my jaw, or even if you suffer from nothing (how do you do that?) etc – please have them download the app. Ignore their eye roll and tell them this is where you might get your life back. 

Please tell them it takes up two weeks for it to work!

A HUGE SHOUT OUT to all those partners who live with people like me. You are what keeps us going, even when we forget all that you do, and all that you’ve done. Thank you for taking care of me when i needed it most. I don’t know how people do it. But you who do deal with your SO having issues like this are true heroes.

“A true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart”

Isn’t that the coolest quote? I cry every time i hear Zeus say this to Hercules. Yes, from the Disney movie. If you need a good cry and/or escape, that movie is the one to watch.



4 Comments Add yours

  1. I have never meditated .. and I know I would benefit from it! So pleased that it is helping you 😃 I too get bored .. and stop doing things. Wish I didn’t ..


    1. Yeah, i guess its human nature to keep moving forward. It does help a lot. I’m glad i’m not the only one! ~amy

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Linda Corliss says:

    I’m going to download this app…. sounds great. I suffer from insomnia and have tried sleep stories and the sound app where you choose a sound that is soothing to you. Neither of those worked but I’m not giving up. Thanks for your post! I hope you continue getting benefits from it.


    Sent from my iPhone



    1. Please don’t forget it takes time to master it. I would start to think of other things instead of focusing on his voice. It is so worth the practice to get there! Good luck! ~amy


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