my private battle with depression

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the glass is half empty. i remind myself there are different ways to see, not look, but see. my first thought i had while i was editing this photograph, was how alone the tree is. there was no other tree within sight of it. this tree stands out & apart. depressing…BUT, is it? this tree is strong & seemingly capable of taking care of itself. the water that surrounds this area of Mobile Bay is both fresh & salt, yet the tree seems to defy the elements, standing tall. i can see the tree as alone or i can see this tree as strong. if i see the tree as strong, then the glass half full. if i see it isolated & alone, my glass is half empty. Perception.

could i change the way i live my life by my observations? i spend a great deal of time alone in my art studio. i spend a great deal of time alone gardening. instead of being lonely, i can SEE my life from different view…I have three amazingly smart & beautiful children, I have an art studio! I can create art! I have a great camera! I can edit photography on my great computer! I have five raised beds to grow flowers, herbs & veggies & fruit! I have bees buzzing on my blueberry bushes, I have butterflies landing on my camellia blossoms. I have a dog who walks beside me, because being with me makes us both happy.

My glass is half full. sometimes. sometimes not.

There is a difference with being alone & feeling lonely. I’ve been both, depression feels like you’re alone. And as hard as it is, we’ve got to get up & live. i fight my battle daily, some days this depression swallows me whole. other times it feels like depression is standing behind me, waiting. It is waiting to empty my half a glass of water.

perception is everything, but it is difficult to learn as an adult. learning to see your life, and knowing someone is envious of it.

24 Comments Add yours

  1. 67steffen says:

    I’m a lot like you are, so wrote Neil Young. I enjoy figuring out life as well and thank goodness for that support system. Great post.

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    1. 2me4art says:

      Thank you so much for your wonderful compliment. It made my day. Sometimes my rambling goes in a direction that I never occurred to me as i sat down to post it. Thank you for reading it. ~amy

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  2. Well Amy…..you just filled up your glass. Ain’t Gratitude grand?

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    1. 2me4art says:

      If only it had staying power. Like everything in this life, it is fleeting. ~amy

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  3. jr cline says:

    Dealing with feeling lonely is something I’ve worked on and I’ve come to the same conclusions you havec

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    1. jr cline says:

      Oops. Sorry about that extra c. rofl

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      1. 2me4art says:

        I know a typo when I see one. I leave them all over the place. 🙂 ~amy

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    2. 2me4art says:

      I am so very happy to read that, jr cline. Being happy in your own company can be a challenge…we never know when the bad moods are coming, so we should try to be aware & GRATEFUL for the good moods. ~amy

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      1. jr cline says:

        I have gratitude journal I write in almost every day. That helps me.

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      2. 2me4art says:

        I have friends on my blog, like you, that help.

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  4. KerryCan says:

    Neat musings–yes, alone and lonely don’t always mean the same thing! It seems to me you have a lot to be very thankful for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 2me4art says:

      As do you, I hope, KerryCan. The rambling came from nowhere that I thought of. Viewing the image made me sad, but then the reality of the tree taught me much. I love a little learnin’ every now & then. Even if the teacher was a tree. :p Thank you, KerryCan. ~amy

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  5. Kevin Hill says:

    Hello Amy, you have a camera yes. Is it great? Yes and No! Modern high end cameras are amazing yes. They help with the creative process but only you can compose an image, only you can decide when to press the trigger, only you can create your art. So there is at least one thing you’ve missed of your list of great things – your skill as an artist! Go ahead and add it to the list. Its not all luck you know 🙂 k.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 2me4art says:

      Hmmm. Kevin, most believe it is the camera that does the work. I can’t explain to them that if I put my high end camera in their hands, the images won’t be any different then whatever they are usually using. I’ve posted images from my iPhone & sometimes I forget which “camera” i used. So thank you my fellow photographer, for you lovely, sweet & honest observations. AND a BIG thank you for you compliment, too. ~amy

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  6. “The glass is full.” Maybe even overflowing a little. 8^)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 2me4art says:

      Oh, somedays my glass runneth over. 🙂 Thank you. ~amy

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  7. Morgan says:

    Yes sometimes I do as well…but it is always a Blessing to be able to stop and realize how Blessed you / we are 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 2me4art says:

      It is something everyone has to remember, i think. Thank you so much, Morgan. ~amy

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  8. You have BLUEBERRIES, Amy – something I miss so much since moving to North Cyprus. You are blessed!!!!!! But always remember – it’s okay to feel low, it’s part of the rhythm of life on earth – you have challenges, you rise with the tide, you sink with the tide, but in the end you are you. And I feel blessed to know you because your art lights my day when it arrives in my inbox. Big hugs filled with sunshine from North Cyprus xxx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 2me4art says:

      You always say the right thing, Mo. I should have listed you as a Blessing as well. I love being alone, I enjoy my quiet times & grateful for them. The tree image dragged those words from the recesses of hidden places in my head. I guess I needed to understand something a little better about what my life really is. Thank you so much. XOXOX ~amy

      Liked by 1 person

  9. crossnclove says:

    Very well put. I think a lot of us sometimes forget the other side of our lives

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 2me4art says:

      Thank you very much for taking the time to read it. ~amy

      Like

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