Category: Black thumb or Green thumb
Green on orange

Do you see him?
NATURE SWALLOWS BIKES

I love this one.
Can’t grow these if I got down on my knees & prayed to the god of the Petunia

Everywhere I go, they have above the concrete, in baskets, blasted by the sun for 18 hours a day & they still look like they just stepped out of a refreshing shower. I see them in large copper or metal drums being cooked alive & they don’t wilt, whimper, whine. They look as though God created them from tissue paper, but have the strength & endurance of titanium. Until I get them to my house, droopy as I take them out of the trunk, coughing & fainting from the execration of being moved from the tables sitting above the concrete parking lot at Lowes to my house. I plant them in the very best dirt (gosh, I’m an ass) money can buy. I put them in 12 hours of sun & in a week all the leaves are gone. Their stems look like the elbows & knees of a 6 foot tall 13 year old with one pathetic, pink saran wrap hanging on to life by sheer stupidity.
So I just take pictures of Petunia wherever I go & if no one is looking, whisper in their ears, “stuck up snob!” See, what I figure, no one ever comes to my house by choice & the petunia is a popularity seeking little brat. I am beneath its notice & nobody loves me, so I’m gonna go eat dirt. Not really, maybe a yogurt or something…
I’m gonna go tell my wholly flowers that do like me, that I like them too.
Can you bring balance & peace to the earth & football?

My way of getting rid of the imperfection in flowers anyway. I went to Leaf & Petal & told them that daisies & my blackened Susans are beginning to flower. The green part came out of the dirt perfectly, then as in every year, the tops got holes in their leaves & flowers came up already looking half-way gone. Leaf & Petal told me to put “this stuff created by Univeristy of Alabama made, which is so strange, because you’d expect something like this from the University of Auburn to make something like this.” This makes sense to mostly Alabamians really. Bama is a business school & Auburn is an agricultural school. Everyone in Alabama has a favorite team whether they’ve attended or not. Each unliked team is spoken of in contempt UNLESS one team is NOT playing a game at all, then most of the state will watch the other team play a game & route for their rival because they remember only then, that its just a game & we are all from Alabama.
Strangest damn thing. When I arrived I was ordered by my Aunt & Uncle, both had or was working at a completely different school, University of Alabama at Birmingham-mostly known as nursing, medical school, anyway I was told that my favorite team & school was University of Alabama, where the “Bear” (famous) coach played. I just answered ok.
Alabama is known as the Bible belt, because of the Baptists. Time does change somethings. Some of the Yankees invaded for UAB known as one of the best Medical schools around. People from all over the world came for Business, medicine or agriculture/arts at our colleges. It is cheaper to live in the South. So the Yankees are coming. a/c was invented & more Yankees have come to live.
We have all been welcomed with a “Hi, where ya from?” People mostly don’t care, if its to attend a University. Second question, “Ya for Alabama or Auburn.” Most say Alabama, because it obviously sounds the safest. If you tell this to an Auburn fan, they usually just grunt & move on.
If you come to Alabama to do physical work, I wouldn’t recommend it. Latino’s are not welcome by the local governments, but people who ask them to work for practically nothing, don’t mind the Latinos. Kinda like a long time ago, when Abraham sent the Yankees down & changed a few things. Then in the 60’s, when the Yankees came again, leading that group was Martin Luther King. He was trying to remind everyone what Jesus said, what the constitutions said, what the Magna Carta said. We are all People in God’s eyes.
I see hope for both the holes in my plants & the closed minds of native Alabamians. Both will take time to fix. Bring nature of man & earth to balance.
The holes & damage is being caused by moles, so we put some Bama made organic stinky stuff in the red dirt.
As far as opening closed minds, maybe attending a football game & sitting beside someone from another country with different believes & both people sharing a love of their football team. Bama’s gonna kick some ass. Or Auburn.
These ferns are in front of our house, I love them because they’ve got a wee purple to them. BUT my black thumb has struck again!

On Monday, I had gone to Leaf & Petal, it was a great day, no cane & w/ little pain. & so I walked & looked & drooled (shhhh). I was trying to correct another mistake. Last year the spot beside my garage got 3 hours full sun, which I considered shade. So we plant 3 hydrangea & some other shade lover. They FRIED, DRIED & most died. Shade had become sun because my husband & his chain saw took the shade to the curb for the trash guys to take away. So I was going to fix it. I bought sun lovers, I got home after many a chore, very sore. The next morning I got that stomach bug. Threw up for hours (tMI?) slept on the bathroom floor. Wishing…anyway I got better or thought I had until S. showed me a UNOPENED can of tuna & I gagged. Two days pass…ive gained enough strength to pee the dogs & with shock & despair, I see toppled over, some dead, some half way there my ^#@&ing $70 dollars worth of plants I had left in their pots to plant the next day.
Anyway, I’m done with my tragic story, a dream really. A dream about a girl who wants to be able to have gardens blooming, but instead has moles who put holes in my daises & my black eyed susans & the birds who eat my blueberries & strawberries. And a dog that washed her face on a dead mole my cat killed. But this fern is nice.
